Day 1
It was only a few minutes after I deactivated my account that I found myself back at facebook.com. My brain and fingers had auto-typed it, as they often did, between tasks on the computer. I was met with the Facebook login page. My info does not autofill, so it really feels like a barrier. My first response? A sigh of relief. My shoulders relaxed. I would not be falling into a pit of voyeuristic co-dependency. I opened a document to start writing this. It is the first I have written in many months.
Day 2
I frequently typed in fb.com in my address bar and found myself back at the log in page. I developed a headache with sound and light sensitivity. I’ve been irritable. Could this all be from cutting social media?
But another thing has begun to happen. My home is cleaner. I am cooking more good food. We planted plants the day we bought them. I planted seeds in the garden.
Day 3
I don’t want to go back to social media. Part of the reason I stopped is I realized I reached a point in life where I could not take on anything more, much less handle everything I had on my plate. Social media was a significant portion of my time pie. I saw it as the only chunk I could remove to gain hours of time with minimal loss.
I felt blue today, and for the past couple of days I have had a slight headache with light and sound sensitivity, though it is better today. I wondered, could this be a withdrawal from the decrease in the little dopamine jolts social media gave me? I consulted my search engine and found that many people feel blue after quitting social media. I used to feel surrounded by hundreds of voices, and suddenly, I’m alone. It takes some time to balance. It feels a lot like quitting alcohol. The sense of calm alone makes it worth it.
In place of social media I began searching for local stoves. Ours is too big for our space, and we worry about bumping into the knobs. Is quitting social media going to save my life? I also began frequenting pet finder to research dogs. Does leaving social media mean I have the time and presence for a new best friend?
I looked up a recipe on the computer today, and then I closed the computer and executed it. It was perhaps the first time in years that opening the computer didn’t cause me to fall into an abyss of scrolling. The pull of what people say has a much stronger hold than pictures of second hand stoves.
Day 4
Something still craves the state scrolling through social media gave me. A few times a day I seem to seek the blast of numbing overwhelm dipping into hundreds of voices gave me. When I stop to think about the reality of it, it feels overwhelming to “hear” all of those voice again. I am grateful not to be dealing with my stressors by absorbing more stress.
My blues have subsided and my home becomes tidier. I completed work that I normally put off long after I should. I continue to try new recipes in the kitchen- and keep it clean. The days don’t feel like they are thundering past me faster than I can keep up.
I’m not sure if this is connected, but my play with my child has gotten better. When I pretend with the stuffed animals, I am fully present as I enjoy the narrative that flows through me naturally. My child laughed and said “You’re really good at this!”
My headache is much better. It seems to be gone, but the heightened sensitivity remains, though it’s getting better too.
Day 5
I went down to my old dentist at about 8 am to demand they send the files I have been asking them to send me for 3 weeks. Later, I purchased a fan to fit the hole in our kitchen ceiling. I seem to have shifted my mindless scrolling to Offer Up and Craigslist, but they aren’t as hypnotizing as social media. And, I’m getting stuff done. Social media would sort of erase my memory of what I had intended to do before I logged in.
Day 6
No headache. Not irritable. Still occasionally auto-typing the facebook link. I got an air fryer from a neighbor on Offer Up and I’m off to try to make fried pickles.
2 weeks later
I recently stopped autotyping “facebook.com” into the address bar. I notice that I still crave something more from my phone or computer. For a while I channeled that into shopping apps, but that has calmed and I have been able to recognize and let go of the drive to scroll. Perusing OfferUp just isn’t as addictive as social media. It has been a good way to transition. My home continues to get more tidy and my piles of things to be addressed have mostly been addressed. What I really notice now that I’ve had some time to adjust is an emotional evenness and calm I did not have when I used to doom scroll social media. I feel less overwhelmed and I’m taking more time to do little things that I enjoy. This started as a plan to pause social media over the holidays, but I don’t see myself returning after the holidays have passed.